Today we continue our Find Us Faithful Series with a testimony from Ryan.
Revelation 12:11 NLV
11 They had power over him and won because of the blood of the Lamb and by telling what He had done for them. They did not love their lives but were willing to die.”
I remember thinking and wondering growing up “what is the purpose of life? Why are all these bad things happening?” I was four when my mother left my brother and I and went to New York to seek a better life that somehow didn’t include us. We were not well off so the decision was not an easy one in retrospect. But imagine it through the eyes of a child. I was oblivious to any of the facts, neither could I understand them. At that age all I knew was that my mommy was gone.
Then my dad remarried and we were moving to a new home. Then the second change would come. My father sat my brother ans I down and asked us where do we want to live.
By this time we had been travelling every summer to see our mom but those trips were not very pleasant to me. My friends were really jealous that I was travelling every summer but those trips were more painful than a happy reunion.
My mother was a miserable woman for what reason I am yet to figure out. The days passed like torture and my vacations were often dreaded. y decision was obvious- I was never going to live with my mother. Finally my brother had to decide whether he wanted to stay at home or move to New York. He chose to move to New York with some prodding. Then later I learned He had joined the army.
Now everything that I knew and all support I had was gone, I wondered why? I could find no answer. Often I would be so depressed that I made myself cry in the bathroom just to let the emotions out. My world was now completely upside down. What was the point of life? Why am I here? Is life it just going to be taking away the people I love all the time?
I went to a few parties at university, which really wasn’t much by any standard. For me, it really wasn’t about enjoying myself- it simply was empty activity, a hollow round of bustle.
I remember one party that I attended. This guy had everything. You name it. Big house, fancy car, an Olympic pool- I mean everything. I could just see myself as him and being very happy. But I soon realized that he was extremely lonely. I was told that his parents lived in Florida and he lived in a huge house by himself with money and everything to keep his company- everything except his family. Looking at my family, situation though, I honestly thought his situation was a dream come through. Later i would realize that this was just another expression of my hurt and despair over my family situation.
At a party at this friends’ house all my closest friends were there. We were having a great time. Then one guy in the pool was “started to fool around and pretend to be drowning”.
After a while we thought the prank should be over by now. The thing was, he was really drowning! Thank God a guy there knew C.P.R!
After that near miss we all sat down, and had a real heart to heart talk. We saw the folly of this lifestyle and planned to give it up. There, as we opened up to each other I realized again that everyone has problems and my situation was not the worst- it was actually far from that.
Looking at my life and my friends, it dawned on me “Is this really all there is to life?“
Next week we will hear how Ryan got the answer to this question, as he found God.