Last week we listened to the first part of a testimony from Jamie about her journey through a difficult pregnancy. You can read the first part of that testimony here.
Today we will hear the conclusion of this testimony.
We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
II once again, became hysterical. I called my husband, who conveniently works across the street from the hospital, and he came right away. “Why is this happening to me? How can God let this happen? This is a nightmare!” was all I could say to him as I sobbed
My Dr. came over from his office to talk to me, and he laid out the facts. They were; no more sitting up in bed, no more getting up to useu the restroom, (except to poop- because I begged!) no more showers, and I would be in the hospital until I delivered, and I would be delivering soon. He assured me that I was much better off delivering now that I was 28 weeks, as opposed to 27 weeks, when I first came into the hospital. I did not feel any relief.
I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in Him will I trust. (Psalms 91:2)
From the first day that I was in the hospital, my nurses kept asking me if I wanted a NICU consult with a neonatologist, which was standard protocol for someone that would be delivering a pre-term baby. He would come talk to us and lay out the facts as to what we could expect with our baby in the NICU. I kept telling the nurses that I was not ready to face the fact that I was going to have a NICU baby, but after my latest ultrasound results, James and I thought maybe it would be a good idea to go ahead with the consult. Maybe the Dr. would give us some encouraging statistics. But- I still wasn’t at that point yet. I felt like asking for the consult was like giving up on this “fight” with my pregnancy. I knew we needed to do it, but I just couldn’t face it yet.
The following Monday I had another ultrasound. I was now 29 weeks and 4 days. My cervix was now slightly shorter, only .7cm in length. My Dr wasn’t exactly happy with this, but he did tell me that if my cervix continued to shorten at the rate that it had in the past week, I could make it maybe another 2 or so weeks. And if I could just get to that 32 week milestone, things would look a lot better. I couldn’t wrap my mind around making it another day, let alone another 2 and a half weeks.
That same day, all of the anxiety was building up and giving me contractions again. I needed to be back on the magnesium. I also learned that my short term disability that we had been counting on had been denied. It was at this point that I totally lost control of my emotions. My sister (who was our live in nanny at the time- she had just graduated from college and did not yet have a job. Praise God for placing her exactly where she was needed at that time. She went from single, college kid, to full time mom in a matter of days.) had brought my almost 2 year old son up, and they had to leave because I could not compose myself, whatsoever. I know my husband was on the brink of a break down as well, but he held strong for me, and tried to calm me down. I was having more and more contractions as my emotions got more and more out of control. I knew I was causing these contractions, but I couldn’t control it. They weren’t nearly as often as they had been at 27 weeks, but I couldn’t afford to have any cervical change.
(Jesus speaking) Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)
My husband stayed the night with me that night and helped me with my bedpan, so that I didn’t have to call the nurses so often. Neither of us got any sleep that night, between me using the restroom, nurses coming in to take my vitals, and my whining from the pain that the magnesium was causing me.
I was off of the magnesium within 2 days, and they had me taking 90mg of Procardia once a day. I was surprisingly holding off contractions for the most part. I was averaging about 2-3 contractions per hour. They were always more frequent in the evenings, when my uterus would feel in a constant state of “irritability.”
I hung in there another week. At 30 weeks and 5 days pregnant, I had another ultrasound. I was expecting God to bring great news, but knew that the reality of the situation meant that my cervix would probably be shorter yet.
But it had not changed since the previous week.
But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:31)
I was allowed to get up and go to the bathroom now, and even take a shower. This made me nervous, but it also felt like a small victory. I saw my Dr 2 days later, on a Thursday, and he was very pleased that my cervix was not changing. He said that if I didn’t have too many contractions over the weekend, I could go home the following Monday. This was the same guy who had said that I wouldn’t be leaving until I had the baby, and the baby would be here early. Now he was saying that he felt that if I followed through with my bedrest at home, I could make it a few more weeks. This felt like a larger victory!
But He knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. (Job 4:10)
September 12, 2011. It was a Monday , and I was 31 weeks and 4 days pregnant. The Dr who came into see my confirmed that my cervix had not changed, and I could go home. I was ready to be with my little boy. I came home and followed my bedrest to a T. It was not a choice. The race was not over. I saw my Dr at the office that Thursday, when I hit 32 weeks. He was very proud of me, and amazed by my pregnancy. He was confused, and said it really didn’t make sense for me to still be pregnant, but yet, there I was. He told me to keep up the bedrest, and he thought I had a great chance to make it to 36 weeks. It was a miracle.
‘O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things you planned long ago.’ (Isaiah 25:1)
The next Tuesday, at 32 weeks and 5 days pregnant, I had another ultrasound of my cervix at the Dr’s office. My cervix still measured .7cm. My Dr. was thrilled with this. He told me to go home and keep up the good work, and that he’d see me in 2 weeks. At 34 weeks and 5 days pregnant, he checked my cervix and said that I was 3-4cm dilated, but he felt that my cervix was slightly thicker. He again, told me to keep up the good work. His nurse told me that in 8 years, I am only the 3rd patient that my Dr. has had to come out of a situation like mine, still pregnant.
At 35 weeks and 5 days pregnant, I was a full 4cm dilated. He told me to get off of bedrest. I had finished the race. I had come out on top- God saw me through. I was allowed to have the baby, and I could even look forward to it. It was a miracle.
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. (James 1:12)