Today we continue our series Find Us Faithful, with a testimony from Lisa.
Frozen In An Icicle of Depression – Part 1 of 3
Inspired by the Movie Frozen
A Testimony by Lisa
I’m Lisa, happily married to an amazing man and we have two kids. Before I was a wife and mom I worked in early childhood education. Worshipping the Lord has been in my life ever since I was eight years old when I asked Jesus into my life. I live in Colorado where the Rocky Mountains call out my name. My fingers tap words on my computer creating sentences, paragraphs, and blog posts. In our home we teach school and life lessons. We freely give hugs, smiles, and a warm shoulder to lean on in our family.
Come visit me at-https://communitymoms.wordpress.com/
Part 1 – I have dealt with depression ever since I was little. I had no idea what was wrong with me and why I felt so sad. I kept my feelings of darkness mostly to myself. I felt shame because my thoughts were shady and ugly. I convinced myself that something was terribly wrong with me.
I was 35 when I was diagnosed with depression and put on antidepressant. I asked God to take my depression away. He didn’t.
Instead He sent me friends. There was a time that I could no longer hold a job and get out of bed. Friends invited me to live with them. My life changed for the better when several people collected money for me to go to counseling at a residential treatment facility.
Depression can be scary when feelings do not make sense. Life circumstances get exaggerated when confusion twists things around in our complex mind. Sometimes depression causes a hurtful reaction to stressful situations. The most stable and sure thing in my life is that I belong to God.
There have been several times throughout my life that I was stuck like a stick in frozen mud behind closed bathroom doors. I thawed out each time when God’s spirit reminded me that I’m loved.
It’s difficult to process thoughts clearly when my head is in a fog. Depression makes dark clouds appear even when there is a blue sky. My restless mind calms down when I listen to the sound of instruments and voices of singers worshipping God. I’m captured and changed by words found in scripture. I refuse to let depression take my life that God has graciously given me.
Depression causes false thoughts and feelings. Positive thinking only masks the real problem.
There are days when I struggle to get out of bed in the mornings. I remember when I was a teacher I would go to work feeling exhausted and sad. I faked a smile and did what I needed to do to get through the day. No one knew. I wore a mask and sometimes I still do.
When I have no energy I get cranky, irritable, and anxious. I get grumpy and my son tells me that I’m like the Rabbit in Winnie the Pooh. I feel guilty for not being more loving and patient. I try to be Tigger and fake a couple of bounces to make up for not being nice.
I’m not myself sometimes when depression comes my way and I have to remind myself that I’m not a bad mom or person.
I thank God life isn’t like this all the time. Generally I’m a go-getter who celebrates my lot in life.
Please join me for part 2 of 3 as I continue to share my testimony.