Frozen In An Icicle of Depression – Part 1 of 3

FIND US FAITHFUL SERIES

Today we continue our series Find Us Faithful, with a testimony from Lisa.


Iamge taken from the movie Frozen

Iamge taken from the movie Frozen

Frozen In An Icicle of Depression – Part 1 of 3

Inspired by the Movie Frozen
A Testimony by Lisa

I’m Lisa, happily married to an amazing man and we have two kids. Before I was a wife and mom I worked in early childhood education. Worshipping the Lord has been in my life ever since I was eight years old when I asked Jesus into my life. I live in Colorado where the Rocky Mountains call out my name. My fingers tap words on my computer creating sentences, paragraphs, and blog posts. In our home we teach school and life lessons. We freely give hugs, smiles, and a warm shoulder to lean on in our family.

Come visit me at-https://communitymoms.wordpress.com/
———————————————————————————–
Part 1 – I have dealt with depression ever since I was little. I had no idea what was wrong with me and why I felt so sad. I kept my feelings of darkness mostly to myself. I felt shame because my thoughts were shady and ugly. I convinced myself that something was terribly wrong with me.

I was 35 when I was diagnosed with depression and put on antidepressant. I asked God to take my depression away. He didn’t.
Instead He sent me friends. There was a time that I could no longer hold a job and get out of bed. Friends invited me to live with them. My life changed for the better when several people collected money for me to go to counseling at a residential treatment facility.

Depression can be scary when feelings do not make sense. Life circumstances get exaggerated when confusion twists things around in our complex mind. Sometimes depression causes a hurtful reaction to stressful situations. The most stable and sure thing in my life is that I belong to God.

There have been several times throughout my life that I was stuck like a stick in frozen mud behind closed bathroom doors. I thawed out each time when God’s spirit reminded me that I’m loved.

It’s difficult to process thoughts clearly when my head is in a fog. Depression makes dark clouds appear even when there is a blue sky. My restless mind calms down when I listen to the sound of instruments and voices of singers worshipping God. I’m captured and changed by words found in scripture. I refuse to let depression take my life that God has graciously given me.

Depression causes false thoughts and feelings. Positive thinking only masks the real problem.

There are days when I struggle to get out of bed in the mornings. I remember when I was a teacher I would go to work feeling exhausted and sad. I faked a smile and did what I needed to do to get through the day. No one knew. I wore a mask and sometimes I still do.
When I have no energy I get cranky, irritable, and anxious. I get grumpy and my son tells me that I’m like the Rabbit in Winnie the Pooh. I feel guilty for not being more loving and patient. I try to be Tigger and fake a couple of bounces to make up for not being nice.
I’m not myself sometimes when depression comes my way and I have to remind myself that I’m not a bad mom or person.

I thank God life isn’t like this all the time. Generally I’m a go-getter who celebrates my lot in life.

Please join me for part 2 of 3 as I continue to share my testimony.


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7 Responses to Frozen In An Icicle of Depression – Part 1 of 3

  1. Liz says:

    This one has my heart, sweet friend. I have had such a lengthy battle with anxiety. Depression goes along hand-in-hand. So closely. When my anxiety is up (like right now), so are those depressed feelings. And you hit the nail on the head…He won’t necessarily take these experiences away from us, but He will provide us with all the tools and people necessary to get through to a brighter side. Blessings!!! xoxo

    • Lisa says:

      Nicely said Liz and amen. God is faithful and He does shine His love through others. We are not alone. God created us for community. We are designed to relate, affirm, and be real with one another. I appreciate your honesty in your comments and posts Liz. You have so much wisdom and knowledge of God to share with others. I am praying for this season in your life Liz.

  2. Thank you so much for sharing. I battle with depression sometimes as well. Right now it is really bad since I am alone a lot. My husband is working 2 jobs and is in school full time, including clinicals. I am dropping by from Sunday Stillness, nice to meet you.

    • So sorry to hear you are in such a bad place right now. I’ll be praying for you.

    • Lisa Brown says:

      Hi April thank you so much for stopping by. It is hard to be alone and I pray that God will shine His light of love upon you. He is with you. God I pray that today you fill April’s time with laughter, refreshment, and friendships. I pray that you would show her purpose and meaning for this very difficult season in her life. When I feel down April, I fill my time with things that fill me up. I love to write, read, cook, walk, listen to music, or call a friend and hang out. What are the things you can do during your time of sadness. I have found that I need to fight for my life sometimes and not let the feelings of depression get me down. I fight by seeking those things that bring me laughter and joy. I remind myself of God’s truth and I give thanks. It is hard to fight the battle of depression and I hope you come back tomorrow for part 2 of my testimony. Thanks for sharing yourself on our post.
      Hang in there and know that you are loved. You matter and you are God’s Beloved.

    • Lisa says:

      Hi April thank you so much for stopping by. It is hard to be alone and I pray that God will shine His light of love upon you. He is with you. God I pray that today you fill April’s time with laughter, refreshment, and friendships. I pray that you would show her purpose and meaning for this very difficult season in her life. When I feel down April, I fill my time with things that fill me up. I love to write, read, cook, walk, listen to music, or call a friend and hang out. What are the things you can do during your time of sadness. I have found that I need to fight for my life sometimes and not let the feelings of depression get me down. I fight by seeking those things that bring me laughter and joy. I remind myself of God’s truth and I give thanks. It is hard to fight the battle of depression and I hope you come back tomorrow for part 2 of my testimony. Thanks for sharing yourself on our post.
      Hang in there and know that you are loved. You matter and you are God’s Beloved.
      I am so sorry that you are going through a really tough time right now.

  3. Sarah says:

    Thank you for sharing your story. I love that we can talk about the truth of depression. It is hard, it is ugly but I am glad there is support during these times. Without support and love I cannot imagine going through this alone. Here is an article/blog that I read and it describes for me my biggest challenge with depression. http://www.storiedmind.com/anger/depression-anger-destructive-partnership/
    Does anyone have suggestions on dealing with anger. I have tried so many things and have not been able to find that thing that calms me or can take it away. I have been trying all natural medicine and have not been able to find anything that controls the anger or the depression. It is always worse during my period. Thanks in advance for any ideas.

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