Offering Support in Depression

depression newToday we continue our series about depression in this series co-hosted by Lisa from Me Too Moments and myself. You can view all posts in the series so far here. Be sure to visit Lisa’s blog next Wednesday to read another person’s experience with depression.

 

 


Today we have a post from Ryan about how he offered support when his wife (Tanya) was experiencing HG and depressed. You can read Tanya’s experience here

Depression is never easy and often those not involved are also affected but often over-looked. When my wife was pregnant with our second child it became clear that she was depressed. She had all reason to be happy but at the same time she also had reason to be very depressed. My wife suffers from extreme morning sickness and her diet during pregnancy becomes very restricted. On top of that she had severe vomiting even to the point of vomiting blood. All this plus the usual difficulties of pregnancy made the pregnancy very challenging.

She had to always be reassured that everything would work out even at times it seemed almost impossible. It took a lot of selfless effort to keep at it day and night. I was often reminding her of God’s love and how He did not want her to have a rough pregnancy but it was the result of sin and our sin cursed world.

As the pregnancy got further along it seemed that things were getting more challenging especially with baby’s health. She was always jealous of other women who had a care free pregnancy and could walk, run and skip even late in their pregnancy. Our baby was experiencing low birth weight, mummy’s tummy was small. This meant that the baby did not have enough fluid in mummy’s stomach because she was vomiting so frequently. it became clear that it was putting the baby at risk. Also late in the pregnancy the ultra sound detected a heart murmur that the doctor became concerned about during one of the regular clinic visits. All these things really played on my wife’s mind. Going so far to term and then to think the unthinkable…She became immobilised, annoyed, frustrated, sad, angry, discouraged …. A flurry of emotions that seemed to be always present with her daily even sometimes more often.

I chose to put myself aside and serve her needs, after all we were in it together. Some days I had no sleep, no food, no time to rest, no nothing. Mood swings were constant and frequent, crying was often and although she never admitted to me I knew she wondered why. Why was this happening to her? I wondered why too. Her faith was wavering and it seemed too much for her. I prayed often for her and our family.

The only thing that kept us going was faith and trusting that God was going to work it out. I remembered the promise that I repeated to her so often “for his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning (Psalms 30:5).” This promise in the bible with many others kept me faithfully serving my wife during her experience with depression.

We do not realize how important supporting those who are depressed is, untill you hear how what you did made a difference. We all can make a difference today.

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4 Responses to Offering Support in Depression

  1. Lisa says:

    What a rough time you both had. What a wonderful husband. Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m sure this experience helped you two become closer with one another. A good and faithful husband is a treasure. God uses our stories for great things. Now you two know how to understand and care for others. Friend you are an amazing Momma – its hard to be sick.

    • Lisa, he really is a treasure. Going through this experience (plus others) really did bring us closer together. I can’t tell you how much times we prayed together because of all that I was facing. This brought us so close to God, which in turn brought us so close together.
      Now I can really say “all things DO work together for good”

  2. Rebeca Jones says:

    Yes, spouses are indeed the unsung heroes, yes? We tend to forget that depression takes its toll on the whole family, especially the spouses. What an excellent reminder to keep not only those who are actively suffering in our prayers, but their family members as well. This gives me a new perspective on how to reach out. Grace and peace to you!

    • You are so right Rebecca. Sometimes we forget that spouses have to deal with seeing their loved ones suffer from depression, the powerless feeling that comes with seeing that person suffer and not feeling like there is anything they can do. I think this one was really hard for my husband.

      And they also have to deal with all the backlash- when they become the target of hurtful things. Hurt people do hurt people. And when people are depressed sometimes they hurt those closest to them so deeply.

      Depression really does affect the entire family.

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