I posted before about my childhood dream of being a doctor and how life took a turn that made that impossible. I studied Spanish and Management instead and started down a totally different path that I had ever envisioned.
After having my first child I realized that I still had not accepted the fact that I had not become a doctor. I had pursued a different path but I was still grieving this lost dream.
I talked to my husband about how I felt and he told me he would support me completely if I pursued my dream of becoming a doctor. I started planning out what I needed to to do in order to accomplish this. But a conflict soon began. I was a mother now and I truly believed my calling was to be at home and homeschool our children.
For months I kept planing and putting things into place to go back and study medicine. And for months I struggled with the notion that I would be leaving my son to pursue a very time-consuming, sacrificing career.
Was I supposed to be in medical school now?
The answer came back “NO!”
I heard it echoing in my heart for months. I didn’t want to let go because I really wanted to be a doctor. Thinking that this was my last chance made me sad. But thinking that I would not be home with my son, made me ever sadder.
Then finally I let go. I let go of my lost dream of a career in medicine and embraced my calling as a homeschooling mother. This is the path I ended up on and this is the path I knew I belonged on now.
Finally my grief was over. A new contentment and joy replaced that hurt and disappointment that I had been carrying. Life’s circumstances had knocked me off of my planned path in life, but God had steered my path to this point and I finally realized that.
In letting go of this grief I was able to accept God’s leading and say:
“This is where I am supposed to be with You now God and I accept it.”
Almost two years after accepting my calling as a homeschooler, events caused me to see that even though I wanted to be a doctor, my heart was not one of service at that time because I had not known God. I wanted to serve as a missionary doctor, but at that time I did not have a real relationship with God. It would have been my career and not my calling.
I hadn’t realized that I was grieving this lost for 10 years, but once I finally did, and once I finally let God take control, I was free to live out my present life.
Sometimes we find that the path we end up in is not the path that we would have planned for ourselves. But, one thing we can be sure of, is if God has led us here this is the place we ought to be.
